Scars Never Heal
by ErronCowboy
Summary: Go through the backstory of Hanako Ikezawa, following the events of her past up until Katawa Shoujo where she meets Hiaso. Follow a story of tragic events, thrills, and sad moments.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

 **T-The smoke alarms. The smell of smoke... The yelling...**

 **I can feel it all.**

"GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! NOW!" My father said, trying desperately to keep calm and think of an idea.

I stand there, shook. Looking at everything is either already burnt to a crisp or still on fire.

Smoke goes through the air and constant coughing comes with it. My mother comes back with a fire extinguisher and hands it to my dad.

"Go get Hanako out of here, I'll go grab our things and find the dog." My dad said, shaking. He's obviously scared...

"P-Please, promise me you'll be okay." My mother said in a dire, shaking tone.

"...I'll be okay." My father said. My mother nods and he runs off.

My mother runs to me. "Okay, sweetie? Look at me."

I look to my mother, shaken by everything.

"We're going to get out of here and get outside. Then your father will be out. I promise." My mother said in an extremely fragile and fearful tone. She acts confident but she's obviously scared.. ..A-Am I going to make it out of this?

I nod gently and she grabs my hand, running to the door. Before we can a piece of wood falls down and smashes in front of the door, lighting on fire and blocking our path.

I yelp at the fall and tumble down, staring at it. My mother begins to panic.

She starts talking to herself. "What are we going to do? Oh god, oh god, oh god!" my mother said, crying.

She looks around at the fire slowly coming towards us. My father yelling is heard upstairs.. ..I-Is he...

My mother turns to me, tears running down her face. She grabs me and covers me as tightly as she can.

 **"..E-Everything will be okay."**


	2. Chapter 1: Friends

**Chapter 1: Friends**

Finally, class ends and school is over for the day. ..All of the birthday gifts were nice, but I really just want to go home. Not only do I want to open all of them, but I want to see my mom and dad.

I walk down the hallways, multiple kids doing the same thing. I bump into one of my friends on the day there.

I look up and recognize him.

"Hey, you need to watch where you're going." The kid chuckles, looking at me. His name is Adrian and I've known him for a while. He's.. different. A little weird, if you can say that.

"Sorry, Adrian. ..At least school's over. Are you coming over tomorrow?" I ask him with an eager tone.

"Of course. Sorry I couldn't come over today. My parents are being a bunch of jerks. Like usual." He replies.

"...Right." I say, chuckling and starting to walk. Adrian follows along.

"So, are you gonna give me my present now?" I look over at Adrian and ask him.

"Uh, no. I want to see your reaction when I'm there, not when I'm not. I thought you knew me better." He replies, chuckling in the process and gently pushing my shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," I reply and sighed, taking out a phone and sticking a couple of earbuds into it and then putting it back into my pocket. I stick the earbuds in my ears and begin to listen to music as we walk.

We later see my parents in a car waiting for me. I take out my earbuds and walk over as they roll the window down. My dad looks out the window.

"Hey, guys." He says with a gentle tone. He looks at me and Adrian.

"Hi, dad!" I say with an eager tone. Finally, I can go home.

"Hello, Mr. Ikezawa," Adrian says. My dad chuckles at him and looks at me.

"Ready to go?" He asks, looking at me.

"Yep." I open the car door and get inside, putting my backpack down and closing the door. I roll the window down and look at Adrian as the car drives off. I wave at him and he waves back, yelling "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" in the process.

I start chuckling at him and rest my head back, putting it onto the seat and putting my earbuds in, closing my eyes and starting to fall asleep.

I'm awoken by my father's voice yelling at me.

"Hanako!"

I turn and look over at him.

"..There you are. You looked like a zombie. What were you dreaming about?" My dad chuckles at me.

..Truth is, I really can't remember. And when I do it's either about singing or Adrian.

"..I dunno." I grab my backpack and get out of the car, walking inside of the house. My mother looks over and greets me.

"Hey, honey!" She walks over and gives me a tight hug as if she's really, really happy to see me.

"Hi, mom. ..Don't you think that's a little tight?"

"Um.." My mother chuckles at my reply to her hug, letting go gently.

"You're growing up so fast, kiddo. You're 10 today!" She says in an eager tone, trying to get me excited for my birthday.. ..I presume, anyway.

My dad chuckles and takes me out of the awkward conversation by walking over and giving my mom a hug. I slip away and sit at the table, opening my backpack and taking out around 10 presents.

"Your friends give you a lot?" My father asks me, looking over at me.

"Oh, yeah. Everybody. ..Adrian didn't want too because he said he wanted to wait until he could see me opening it."

"Of course. That kid is really stubborn."

"Well, yes, he is, but he's one of my good friends."

"I suppose." My father says, ending the conversation and walking away.

My mother turns the oven on to cook dinner and goes by the fireplace, setting a few pieces of wood in it and lighting it, walking away not long afterward.

She always was really into cooking. ..I am too but I'm not very good at it.

She comes back with a cake and sets it on top of the living room table, in front of the fireplace. She gestures to me to grab the presents my friends gave me and walk over.

I do so and grab the presents, walking over to her where my dad walks over and sits next to me with 2 bags.

"..Am I being interrogated?"

My father chuckles. "No, no. Do you want to open your presents first or have a piece of cake?"

"I wanna open the presents."

My father nods and I start opening the presents my friends got me. They're little odds and ends, cooking books, other novels, a few gift cards, nothing that special. My dad grabs one of the bags he brought over and hands it to me.

"Huh?"

"Open it."

I nod softly and take it, pulling the stuffing out of the bag to see a computer and a new up-to-date phone.

"..Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes, yes it is." My mother replies.

I squeal with joy and hug them both, immediately opening the computer's box. It's a small laptop that isn't of super-high quality, but it's acceptable. The phone is the newest release. ..Both of these are so, so so awesome.

"But wait; there's more." My father says, grabbing the other bag and handing it to me.

"There's always more." I chuckle and open the bag, seeing a complete cooking set with pans, professional books on it, multiple spices, recipes, so on and so on. A large grin enters my face and I immediately hug both of my parents.

"Thank you both so, so so much."

My mom and dad smile. "It was nothing." my dad replied.

"...How much did this cost, mom?"

"...Uh.."

Both of them chuckle nervously.

"Don't worry about that, sweetheart."

"If you say so. ..Can we eat the cake now?" I chuckle. Both of my parent's nod and my dad takes the cover off the cake with neat little decorations on it looking like me. Right before he puts the knife into it, he stops, sniffing.

"..Do you smell that?"

"..Smell what?"

I sniff and smell smoke.

"...Is that.. fire?"


	3. Chapter 2: Flames

**Chapter 2: Flames**

My mother's face goes into total shock, realizing what's happening. My dad looks at her.

"I-I.. I got so sucked into us doing t-this that I forgot the kitchen. The.."

"Slow down." My father cuts her off.

"You two just stay here a second, okay? You probably just burned it." My dad tries to be reassuring but is clearly worried himself.

He runs to the kitchen and is heard yelling in shock. He runs back over.

"The whole goddamn kitchen is on fucking fire!"

My dad usually never swears around me.. It's such a shock.

"O-Oh god.. Um.. H-Hanako, run upstairs and fill the buckets in the bathroom with water. Fast!" My mother yells.

I immediately run up the steps and run into the bathroom, filling the two buckets with water as fast as I can.

"O-Oh god.."

I hear my parents downstairs, rushing around, trying to put the fire out.

"..I-I don't want to lose my room. My house.."

I run downstairs and hand my parents the water buckets. My dad and mom run off and I'm left alone, looking around with so, so many goddamn thoughts running through my head.

..W-What can happen? Can we die? Can we be burned? ..W-Will we make it out of this?

My mom runs over, looking at me. My dad then runs over.

"GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER, NOW!"

My mom runs off to get the fire extinguisher. My dad starts panicking in the process.

My mother runs over and hands him it.

"Get Hanako out of here. I'll go get the dog and our things."

"P-Please, p-promise me you'll be okay." My mother replies.

"..I'll be okay." My father runs off.

My mother turns to me and runs over to me. "O-Okay, sweetie. We're going to get out of here. Your father will be outside, I promise."

I nod and she takes my hand, running to the door.

Before we can get outside, however, a large piece of burning wood smashes in front of us. I yelp and fall down and stare at it.

My mother begins to panic.

"Oh god, w-what are we going to do? What's going to happen?"

She turns to me and the sound of my father screaming comes from upstairs. ..I-Is he..

She grabs onto me as tightly as she can, whispering in my ear.

"E-Everything will be okay."

I start crying, hugging her tightly. I can see my father falling down the steps on fire, smashing against the wall screaming. I close my eyes, still crying.

I start to hear my mother scream. ..I-I don't want to open my eyes..

I.. I open them and she's on fire.. Taking a-all of that for me..

I sit there in shock.. W-Why am I being useless here? Why am I not helping anyone?

My father is being burned alive.. My mom is being burned alive while she's saving me..

A-And then my dog's burned body rolls down the steps.. ..W-Why.. Why..

I cry harder as my mother's screams increase. The flames catch onto the right side of my body and I scream as loud as I possibly can, trying to put them out.

They start melting my skin and burning me. It reaches my face and I pass out from the pain.


	4. Chapter 3: Hospitalized

**Chapter 4: Hospitalized**

I awake in a hospital bed. ..The entire right side of my body. ..I can briefly see it with my left eye, but it's all covered in bandages. ..I-It hurts so much... Where are my parents? Where's my dog? There's no way they died. ..Please...

I try to lift my right arm and squeal in pain. It goes all the way down my right side of my body. ...There's a cure for this, right? They can fix it, right?

I-I don't want to live like this. Not at all.

I look around my hospital room. The smell of burned, rotten flesh reeks through the air. ..Am I in the burned section of the hospital? I must be.

A doctor walks in, turning to me. He flashes me a smile.

"Hello, Mrs. Hanako. ..I'm afraid we have some bad news."

I stay silent, staring at him.

"..First of all, your parent's bodies were found dead. ..Your mother was found on top of you, burnt to a crisp. ..Everything in that house minus you died, Mrs. Hanako."

My eye opens wide and I'm shocked, staring at him. ..T-They can't be dead. They AREN'T DEAD!

I break down into tears from what eye I can see out of, beginning to scream.

The doctor looks like he has no idea what to do or what to say.

"..Ma'am. Look at me."

I don't hear anything. I'm getting so many flashbacks.. ..M-My dad. My mom... My dog.

They were all.. .. H-How... How far..

I cry harder, slamming my left fist on the side of the bed. Why? Why couldn't it just have been me?

"Ma'am!' He gently grabs my fist, holding it. "Look at me."

Although reluctantly, I look at him, tears still running down my face.

"..Someone is here to see you. I'll break the rest of the news to you later."

He lets go of my fist and walks out. ..Why can't my parents walk in that door? Why can't they come in, hug me, and take me home?

Suddenly, the door opens and Adrian walks in, carrying the present. He sees me and frowns, walking over and sitting in a chair to the left side of my body.

"..I'm sorry, Hanako. I'm so, so sorry."

I stay quiet, thinking about my parents.

"..I-If I had just come with you, and if I had just got in that car with you... I'm so, so so sorry."

"..D-Don't be, Adrian," I say it faintly.

He looks at me and smiles very slightly.

"..I guess I should give you your present."

..Present... A present.

That computer.. that cooking set...

T-That was the last thing they gave to me. Their last gift before they're death.

..D-Did it make it out? Did they find it?

Adrian takes a box out of a bag and opens it, taking out a diamond necklace.

He blushes slightly and puts it around my neck, keeping a brief smile on. I take my left hand and raise it in front of my eye to look at it.

"..Do you like it?"

"..Y-Yeah. It's r-really pretty, Adrian."

I look at him and smile and drop it back onto my chest.

"I'm going to stay here for a while with you, Okay Hanako?" His voice is so... shaky. Why is he so nervous around me?

I nod. The door is heard opening again and a few of my friends come in. ..They're also close. It's Alan, Rachel, and Mark.

All three of them come over to my bed and sit down in chairs to the right side of me. ..I can't see them. Ugh.

..I still can't get the thought of my parents out of my h-head.

"Hey, g-guys."

"Hey, Hanako," Alan replies the other two stay quiet.

"You doing okay?"

"Y-Yeah. I'll b-be okay.."

I start shaking slightly, going through those thoughts again and again and again.. It's like hell, over and over. Their screams... My dad falling down the steps... M-My mother shielding me...

"..D-Did you guys come by for any o-other reason t-than to see me?"

A few of them hand me get well cards and Mark walks out and comes back with a few balloons. ..I-I always s-saw this on TV. ..N-Now I'm actually here. I must be dreaming. I-It's okay.

They hand them to my right side, and I try to raise my arm but yelp in pain. ..Adrian looks angered. He takes the cards and places them on my desk.

Mark ties the balloons to the end of the bed, and Rachel sits there, looking at me. My hand is briefly showing out of the bandages, I can feel it. .. B-But. I can't see it. What does it look like? Is she staring at it? All I can see is her head looking at me from the corner of my eye, but that's it.

The door opens and the doctor walks in, flashing all five of us a smile.

"Hello. Could I speak with Mrs. Hanako alone for a moment? I have something I need to discuss with her."

Adrian looks annoyed but agrees, grabbing his backpack and walking out. The other 3 do as well.

The doctor looks at me and walks over, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"I don't mean to burst your bubble in anyway shape performance, but you must know this urgently. I apologize if this may be a bit hard to wrap your head around, okay?"

I nod slightly. He fiddles with his papers and pulls one out, looking at it.

"..I apologize for this, but from what we've seen and tested, you will have severe scars on the entire right side of your body for the rest of your life. They go from your knees to your face on the entire right side of your body, and I'm afraid you'll be stuck with these until you die."

He looks at me, obviously feeling bad.

...S-Scars... All the way up the right side of my body. ..U-Until I die.

H-How will I live like this? How? How can I go in public? ..T-They probably look worse than what I imagine... O-Oh god. Oh god. T-There's...

I start shaking and crying. The doctor sighs, adjusting his glasses.

"..Your ETA to take off at least a small portion of the bandages will be two weeks. ..Until then, you'll be left like this."

I-I... Oh god. W-Why? Why? Why did it have to be them? Why couldn't they survive? ..P-People are just going to see me as a monster. A damn monster, and that's it.

The doctor walks out, holding the door open as Adrian comes in, sitting down next to me again. He looks at my tears and reaches over, gently placing his hand on my face and wiping one off.

"It's okay. I'm going to help you through this. ...I promise, Hanako."

I nod very slightly, still being unable to get the image of my dad burning out of my h-head. ..O-Or my mother crying while she's on fire. ..W-Why did they have to die? I have nothing. Noone. Absolutely n-nothing.

Adrian reaches in and hugs just the left side of my body, avoiding touching my burned side. He sits back down and holds my hand. ..I rest my head up and slowly start to fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 4: Memories

**Chapter 4: Memories**

A few days have flown by me, and I've only seen Mark, Alan, and Rachel once in these past few days, and Adrian comes by a lot. ..I-I don't want him to leave me.

I'm starting to be able to move my right hand slightly. I can't move it very far but it's getting there. The doctors said it's just a couple more days until I can see my face.

...I don't know if I want to see my face. ..W-What do I look like under there? Am I Two-Face now? M-My left side is untouched, but my right isn't.

I look at the hospital room around me. There's a large window viewing out onto the city. ..So many houses, people.. ..W-What would they think of me if I did go out there? Would I be an alien to them? ..S-Something that doesn't even look like a human?

The door opens and Adrian comes in, smiling at me. He's carrying a tray of food and comes over, sitting it on the counter.

"I brought you some breakfast." He sat a cup of milk down as well, followed by him taking out a can of soda.

"T-Thank you. I h-haven't eaten s-since my b-birthday."

"I know. You should. ..You look weak." He reaches over and feels my arm, looking at me and sighing.

"I-I'm sorry." I smile lightly and start eating with what I can with my left hand with a fork in hand, trying to avoid moving anything else.

"So, Hanako.."

I look over at Adrian, not saying anything.

"..Is it okay if you told me what happened?"

I.. I stop. ..T-There's so many m-memories.

...My mother... I.. Her..

My f-father.

..W-Why is it like I can view into their head? See and feel what they saw and felt?

I'm still frozen, holding a fork in hand and staring blankly at Adrian. I put the food on the counter and start crying. He immediately hugs me as tight as he can without touching my burns.

"A-Adrian.."

"I'm sorry."

"N-No... I.. I'll t-tell you."

"..H-Hanako, if you don't-."

"P-Please.." I cut him off. ..T-This is the first time anyone will e-ever know.

"..S-Something happened in the kitchen. M-My m-mother.. s-she.. s-she left something o-on and it started to burn. ..W-We didn't notice or s-smell it until it got r-really bad because we were sucked in b-by my birthday.. ..I-It got so bad we had to leave and my dad was finding the d-dog, b-but. W-When we ran to escape, a piece of w-wood blocked the d-door, a-and my mother s-shielded.."

I start breaking down crying. He hugs me again.

"If this is too much.."

"..N-No."

"..M-My mother s-shielded me from the f-flames... A-And I heard m-my father screaming.. ..I-I opened my e-eyes and.."

I cry harder. Adrian stops me and hugs me tighter.

"..P-Please, don't go any further. I can't imagine what happened."

I nod softly.

"I promise, you won't go through this alone. I'll be here. ..I promise."

He wipes my tears away and sits down again, gently handing me the glass of milk he brought in. I take it and look at it.

"U-Um, do you h-have a straw?" I smile lightly upon realizing that I can't drink out of a cup due to bandages covering a side of my lip, and he begins to blush slightly.

"Sorry, sorry! I forgot!"

He immediately runs off to grab one and I put the drink back, resting my head on the pillows and staring up at the ceiling.

..I-It must've been my fault. All of it. ..I-If I had just let her cook first... If I didn't distract them so much...

..T-They'd still be here. E-Everyone would. I'm such a terrible, terrible person.

I begin to break down into tears again, putting my hand on my face.

Adrian comes back in and looks at me, immediately coming back over to me and hugging me tightly.

"I promise. No matter what, I'll always be here for you. ...always."

I rest my head back, completely forgetting that he left to even get the straw. Adrian stands up due to a knocking on the door.

"It's my parents."

"O-Okay... B-Bye."

"I'll be back tomorrow, I promise."

I smile and he walks out. I lay back down on my bed.

I stare out the window, thinking about my mom and dad. Tears run silently down my face looking out onto the big night city, remembering it all. ..I wish they were still here. I wish I could go home. ..L-Leave this hospital and see my mom and dad again. ..T-That computer. The phone. Everything...

..Why can't it all be just a dream? Why did it all have to be my fault?

I slowly sink into the bed, falling asleep again.

I later wake up to the bright sunshine through the window, looking at the outside. ...I remember waking up at 5 am to eggs and pancakes, watching the sunrise and relaxing. It was.. all so... amazing. M-My mom was there.

The door suddenly opens and the doctor comes in, turning to me and coming over, he sits at the edge of the bed, as usual.

"Mrs, Hanako, according to our tests, you are ready to take the bandages off the facial area of you. We can do it now or later."

What? How did time fly by so quickly? ..H-How long was I asleep?

I nod slightly and he walks over to me.

"Please, stand still."

He begins to slowly take the bandages off the right side of my face. He looks a bit displeased, although it's what I expected.

"Okay. Are you ready?"

"..Y-Yes.."

He hands me a mirror and I take it in my left hand, looking at myself.

..M-My right eye still has a bandage over it, I'm assuming i-it's too burned to be taken off y-yet but... My whole right side of my face...

It's so... burned.. leathery. A-And gruesome. I-I... I don't even look like what I used too. I-I'm a completely different person on the e-each side.. H-How will people react to me? What is it like on the rest of my body? ..W-Why do I have to be like this forever?

I begin breaking down into tears and the doctor awkwardly looks around, unsure what to do.

"Ma'am, it will hurt to touch at the moment, but over time it will simply be a scar. I'm going to reapply the bandages, but whenever you wish to take them off, be careful and call for us, please."

I continue crying, laying there, dropping the mirror onto the floor as it breaks. The shattering sound makes me flinch as I close my fist and my eyes, still crying. T-This is who I am now, and there's only accepting it. I can't fight it, I can't turn back.. I'm a monster now. An alien.

The doctor turns to the mirror and sighs.

"Please, don't ever do that again." He throws it in the trash along with glass pieces and turns back to me, reapplying the bandages.

He then simply leaves, letting me lay there, crying. I want Adrian. I want to see him again. I don't want to go through this alone, all of it hurts. Everything. Knowing that because I messed up and distracted my parents on my birthday that this is simply who I am now. ..W-Why did it have to be me?

I sink down into the bed, still crying. ..W-Why do I deserve this?


	6. Chapter 5: Spirals

**Chapter 5: Spirals**

I've been here for 2 weeks now. ..Adrian constantly comes and sees me. Though I never, ever see Alan, Mark or Rachel anymore. They came last week and then never came again. I've texted and called them and they won't reply. ..I-Is everyone leaving me? Is everything falling apart? What did I do wrong?

I take my bandages on my face off, pulling them down and looking at myself in a mirror. ..I-I'm so pathetic.. I'm so.. selfish. I could've helped them, I could've done something. Days come and go constantly and all I can think about is what I could've done right. If I had just waited for dinner... If I didn't distract her so much... I'd have everything. I'd be in my room with Adrian, playing games and reading again. ..T-This is just an endless spiral. Days fly by like seconds and I'm left here, crying every day, realizing I've lost everything.

I keep waiting for Adrian or the doctor to come in, something to cry or talk too. But there's nothing, no one. Where is he? I need something, someone to talk too. The nurse came in and gave me food earlier but that's it, no one else has talked to me or done anything.

..It's a day later, and Adrian still hasn't arrived.

The doctor came in earlier and examined me, but... It's been two days without Adrian. Two days alone to myself. ..I need something to do, something to just get my head out onto.

I heard there's a library in this place, but I can't get up and get any books from it. ..A-And Adrian isn't here.

I.. I've started to t-think a-about the fact that Adrian won't e-ever come b-back to visit me. A-As if h-he's forgotten. ..W-Was I just a burden? AM I just a burden to everyone?

I begin to try and fall asleep again, but I can't. I look at myself in the mirror again, staring at what a two-faced monster I am. ..I-I'll never be able to go out in public the same way. Never, ever again. I-I can't... I can't g-go to anywhere. ..C-Can I use my hair to hide this part of my face?

B-But it's all my fault. All of it.

I fall asleep later on and wake up to the bright sunshine. I don't expect anyone to visit me today. Noone's came to see me. I'm abandoned.

After 3 hours, the door opens. I expect a doctor, but Adrian comes in, having the most "I'm so sorry" expression on his face. He walks over and sits next to me.

"I'm so, so so sorry, Hanako. ..I-I did something, got grounded, a-and.."

"A-Adrian... I-It's okay. I m-missed you, so, so so much."

He smiles and comes over and hugs me, sitting back down and holding my hand. There's a minute of silence between us before I decide to break it.

"H-Hey, Adrian?"

"Yep?"

"..I-I've b-been.. t-thinking.."

"About?"

"..E-Everything. I-I want to l-leave... I-I... I d-don't w-want to b-be here.."

"I know.. ..You'll be out soon, I promise. ..Hey, uhm... I bought you something."

"W-What is it?"

Adrian reaches into his bag, pulling out a black Ascot cap and smiling, putting it on my head.

"..It looks good on you."

"I-It f-feels good. I-I l-like how it looks." I let off a brief smile and pull it off for a quick second to look at it.

"..H-How d-did you get t-this?"

"I found it while looking around in my closet. It looked just like you, you know?"

I nod slightly, putting it back on and smiling at him.

"..Hey. Your bandages look like they're loose."

My heart suddenly skips a beat. I don't w-want him to see what I am, or what my face looks like now. He shouldn't need to see it.

"..Y-Yeah. U-Um... I-I've... B-Been a-allowed to t-take them o-off.."

"..Can I see it?"

He. H-He...

"A-Adrian. I.. I-I d-don't l-look l-like I u-used too.."

"I don't care. You're fine just the way you are. ..I want to know what you look like."

How badly will this scar him? Seeing his old childhood friend.. l-like this.

He reaches over and gently pulls my bandages off. I can feel them come all the way off and he stops and stares, as if he's in total shock.

"..A-Adrian?"

A tear slowly falls from his eye.

"I'm... s-so, so so sorry you had to go through this."

I start crying and he reaches over, hugging the left side of my body tightly.

He stays silent, still crying, as I do too. He lets go and wraps the bandages back onto my face, sitting down and sighing.

"I.. should've come with you on the day of your birthday. I'm so, so sorry."

"I-It's not your fault. P-Please.."

Silence again goes between us for a bit until I decide to break it again.

"..Hey, u-uhm... C-Could you g-go to the library a-and g-get me a f-few books? ..A-Anything w-will do.."

He nods and smiles. "I'll be back soon, okay?" He gets up, leaving. I'm again left alone with my thoughts.

He later comes back with a few books and sets them down.

"Hey, Hanako?"

"Y-Yes?"

"I have to go.. I'm sorry. My parents can't stay any longer."

"O-Okay. S-See you later." My face saddens and he gives me one last hug, leaving the room. I close my eyes and try to sleep.. ..Maybe I'll wake up and it's all just a dream.


	7. Chapter 6: Time Flys By

**Chapter 6: Time Flys By**

It's been quite a few months, and today is the day the doctor said I'll be allowed to walk. ..I can move my arm, and my face is just a scar for the most part with some soreness...

Adrian comes once a week, sometimes not at all. ..H-He... He could be getting bored of me, as scary as the thought is...

I look over at the cap and necklace Adrian gave me resting on the counter, reaching over and grabbing it. I put both of them on and pull a mirror up, adjusting my hair on the right side of my face.. ..It's.. good enough, I guess. It hides it as well as I can without going around with a mask on...

I look at the door, seeing the doctor coming in.

"Hello, Hanako." He flashes me a smile and walks over to me.

"Our tests say you are completely ready to walk today. Are you ready?"

"Y-Yes.." I nod slightly. He begins to take my bandages off that goes down the right side of my body and I look down at myself... I'm completely covered in burns and scars, but they seemed to have healed for the most part. ..I-I never thought it would be like this...

I stare in shock at myself.

"Hanako?"

O-Oh god... I'm... M-My mother... My mother... No.. Why? Why couldn't they survive? ..Why can't they be here, with me? Why do I have to go through this alone?

He lightly puts his hand on my non-scarred shoulder.

"..It's okay. You're going to be able to walk."

I'm shaking, looking at myself. He slowly helps me up and I stand, groaning. I haven't felt anything except for the bed underneath my feet.. ..The floor is so cold, and it's hard to balance after being in a bed for so long.. How was I able to do this so easily, but now I can barely balance?

"Do you need to sit back down for a minute?"

"Y-Yes.."

He nods and sits me back down. I look down at myself, shaking and breathing heavily. I haven't done this in so, so so long.

"Okay. I want you every day to get out of the bed and try and balance and walk around the room for at least 5 minutes, okay?" He flashes me a smile.

"..O-Okay.."

I just need to learn how to walk again... It can't be that hard.

"Your friend is here to see you again. I figured I would talk to you beforehand. I'm going to let you be with him for now. Okay?"

I nod and he walks out again. Adrian steps into the room and sees me sitting on the bed instead of laying down. He gasps and walks over, hugging me right after.

"..You.. can walk?"

"..Y-Yes.."

He lets go, sitting next to me and smiling. "I'm so happy for-." He looks down, seeing my body scars that go down to my knee and all over my arm and shoulder. ..W-Why is he doing that? I thought.. he would...

"A-Adrian?"

He continues to stare and I look away, starting to hold back tears and move away. He snaps out of it and looks over.

"Hanako, I-I... I'm sorry! I was just surprised!"

"I-It's.. o-okay.."

I'd take being in the bed over this. The feeling of him staring at me in shock is so... embarrassing.

He moves over again, holding my hand.

"..I'm sorry."

I know he held my hand while I was laying down, but, when I'm sitting up it feels so... different.

"So... I bought you some new clothes while I was out."

"H-Huh?"

He lets go of my hand and reaches into a bag, handing me a jacket and jeans, with a white shirt.

"I figured you needed something to wear after you could walk. ..Afterall, you don't want to always be walking around in that gound, right?"

I nod and smile lightly.

"I'll let you change into these and then come back." He walks out of the room, waiting outside. I take my gound off and look at myself again.. ..The scars.

They look so... weird. Like you splashed a bile of paint on the right side of my body.

I shake my head and put the shirt on, followed by carefully putting the jeans on. The scars feel.. sore, but I'll probably be able to forget it.

I put the clothes he gave me on and realize he's still outside...Should I try to walk to the door? But if I open it... What will people think of me?

I try to stand up, but fall back down onto the bed, groaning.

I instead decide to just grab my phone and text Adrian that I'm dressed.

..What I'm scared of is not him seeing me. Him... thinking of me as this...

But what other people will see.

The door opens and instead, the doctor walks in.. I texted Adrian to come in.

He grabs a chair, sitting in front of me.

"Hello, Mrs. Hanako. I figured now would be the time to tell you about a few things."

"U-Um.. o-okay."

He nods, checking through a clipboard.

"Ah! Here." He says.

"Okay. So, you'll need to practice walking again for a long while, and you won't be allowed to leave the hospital grounds. However, you may walk around and go to the library, cafeteria, all you want. Just, take it easy, okay?"

I only nod. I thought... I was going to be free.

I'm so stupid. Why did I think I would be allowed to leave and travel? Or live in a different place?

"It'll take a while, but you should be able to walk again soon. Practice your balancing and try and walk around the room each day. If required, we may give you a cane."

"O-Okay.."

He nods, flashing me a smile and leave. Adrian then walks in.

He smiles and sits next to me.

"The clothes look good. Do they fit you well?"

I nod, smiling lightly.

He smiles as well. "So.. can you walk around now?"

"Y-Yes... But... T-The doctor s-said I need to p-practice, a-a lot... I-I need to l-learn how to b-balance again."

He nods. "Can you go outside?"

"H-He said I c-can't leave the h-hospital grounds.."

His face saddens slightly. I didn't mean to disappoint him.. I wish I could leave too.

"..Oh."

It goes quiet between us. He looks out the window.

"..Do you want some help walking?" He gives me a smile.

I nod again and he stands up, putting his hands out to me. I grab them and he helps me up, holding onto me.

"Try and balance, hold onto me at the same time."

I do as he says. It's harder than I remember. Why is trying to walk so suddenly.. difficult? I remember laying in bed and being sick and being a little off balance but it wasn't this bad. It's so hard to walk... I feel like a toddler.

"T-This is hard.."

"I can imagine... You're stumbling like a baby." He chuckles and I smile lightly, still hanging onto him.

A few minutes go by.

"Hey, do you want to try going to the bookstore? I can help you walk."

"U-Um... I-I don't know if the doctor.."

"Oh, who cares? Come on, break the rules, have some fun. You need some fresh air, after all, right?"

I don't like this. People are going to see me, and barely anyone has. How will they react? It's a hospital. It.. has to be normal, right?

"..O-O... O-Okay.."

He begins to help me towards the door, letting me lean on him.. I'm scared. I don't want to open the door.

He... He twists the knob.

 _Everything changed._


	8. Chapter 7: Fresh Air

**Chapter 7: Fresh Air**

Everything looks so.. different. From what I remember, at least. There are different doctors and so many different faces. ..There are children with their parents.. ..Why can't I have mine?

The place is so crowded, and the hallway is full of people. This is.. scary. I haven't seen anyone but Adrian, Mark, Rachel and Alan, a few nurses and the doctor. There are so many different people.

He begins to walk slowly, keeping a tight grip on me. I keep my weight on him, slowly walking.

I look around, still going slowly. People begin to look at me directly, while some simply look in our general direction. Oh god, they see me...

I freeze up, stopping walking and staring down, closing my eyes tightly. Adrian looks at me.

"Hanako, what-." He looks up, seeing all of the people. He sighs and bites his lip, looking at me. He begins to tug on me.

"Come on."

Why is he doing this? I want to go back to the hospital room. I don't want to be here.

"A-Adrian.."

He tugs me a bit more. I slowly walk, keeping a tight grip on him and staring down. ..I can feel so many people looking at me...

"It's close, Hanako. Don't worry." He keeps a tighter grip as we walk.

"..H-How close?"

"We're pretty close. I promise."

I nod, staring down and hanging onto him tightly, trying to walk. I slip and almost fall as he catches me.

"You're fine. I have you."

I begin to breathe heavily, looking around. ..there are so many people staring at me. Adrian grabs my hand and holds onto me, starting to walk. I.. haven't felt anyone hold me this close s-since.. s-since it a-all started...

I stare down and faintly hear a door opening. The crowd noise quiets as the floor changes to a rug.

"..We're here."

I look up and see the library. The light shines through the big, bright windows and there are isles and isles of books.

"W-Wow.."

"Yeah." He smiles, looking at me.

"Come on, I'll help you find a book." He begins to walk slowly with me, not in a fast-paced movement like in the hallway. We look through and I look through while hanging onto him. ..huh, a book about tips on karaoke... I'll take it.

He looks at me with a confused look.

"You like singing karaoke?"

"H-Huh? O-Oh... No.. I've never tried it b-before.. but.. i-it could be fun." I smile lightly.

He nods, chuckling. We walk to a few seats and he gently sets me down in one, pulling a chair next to mine and sitting next to me.

I start reading. ..this looks.. interesting. I wonder what it'd be like.. I can't sing in the patient room though, can I?

Suddenly, I look up to Adrian tugging my sleeve.

"You uh... wanna go back now? We've been here for a few hours." He chuckles.

"..w-wait, a f-few hours?"

"Yes, silly. You were absorbed in that book for so long. The library is about to get closed, though."

"O-Oh... S-Sorry." I sigh.

"It's okay! Come on, let's go check your book out so you can take it back to your room."

I nod, trying to stand but falling back onto the chair, groaning. Adrian smiles lightly and walks over, helping me up. I hang onto him again.. how long will I have to walk or act like this?

We go up to the counter and the cashier looks up.

"Hello-." ..why is he staring at me? ..I-Is it because...

Adrian groans, stepping in front of me, still holding onto me from behind.

He simply puts the two books down. The cashier snaps out of it, quickly looking ashamed and ringing up the books as fast as he can. He tosses them in a bag, giving them to Adrian. He holds it, walking away without a goodbye, still holding onto me in the other arm.

"..I hate how people judge."

I don't reply, simply staring down. When we get to the lobby, the noise is reduced and there aren't as many people. ..I guess it's better.

We walk to my room and get inside. Adrian sets me down on my bed, setting the book next to me.

"Hey, Hanako... I have to go."

Oh.. Oh no... I wasn't even thinking about that. I don't want him to go...

"..o-okay.."

"I'll be back tomorrow, okay? I promise."

I nod, looking down. He holds my left hand briefly before walking out.


	9. Chapter 8: Outside

**Chapter 8: Outside**

I wake up the next morning, face-down with the book about karaoke next to me.

"..h-hah.."

I sit up, looking around. I must've fallen asleep after he left.

I turn to the clock, seeing it's 9 AM.

I was really into that book. ..I should try it sometime, singing karaoke. But I don't think I can sing in this patient room. I proceed to put the book back on my desk.

I turn to my right to see a mirror, staring at myself in it.

I stare at it with a blank face. It.. ..why did it have to be me?

I turn it around, staring back down, remembering every little thing about what happened.

My father... My mother...

I keep rethinking every single thing that happened, wondering what I could've done right. If I hadn't distracted mom.. if I hadn't had my birthday...

Suddenly, I turn my head up to someone knocking on the door.

"..h-hello?"

The door opens and Adrian comes in, smiling, carrying a bag. He sits it on the counter and sits next to me.

"Hey." He smiles lightly, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I smile at him, still shaking.

"..w-wait, I thought it was 9 AM? Y-You aren't s-suppose to be here this e-early."

"No, silly. It's 12 in the afternoon."

..how long was I sunken into my thoughts of what happened?

I think I'm staring at him in a state of trying to figure things out. He chuckles awkwardly.

"..so, I was wondering if you'd want to go take a walk outside?"

Outside.. isn't...

"..h-how crowded is it?"

"I'm not sure. It'll be an adventure, you know?"

..I..don't want to go in front of people after yesterday. The way I got looked at...

"I-Is there an area near these hospital grounds that isn't crowded?"

"Hm.. there is a garden area we can go too if you want."

"O-Okay." I smile lightly. I haven't been to a garden in a while.

He nods, standing up and grabbing the bag, putting it over his shoulder and helping me up by holding onto my hand.

I hold onto him tightly as we walk to the door.

"H-How long d-do you t-think I h-have to w-walk like t-this?"

"Not sure. You'll recover from it, soon though." He turns his head to me, smiling.

I nod and we walk out. There's almost no one in the hallways except for doctors, and it's... peaceful. I don't feel watched, nor scared.

We make our way to the elevator, and I look around, seeing outside the windows pink trees filling the sidewalks and streets with numerous people walking around and talking. It's such a large area, yet, it's like I've never been into it.

We walk into the elevator together, and I'm still latched onto him as tightly as I can be. He's doing the same, still helping me walk.

He hits the ground floor button on the panel, letting out a sigh of relief and looking ahead.

"You doing okay?" He asks, looking down at me with a faint smile.

"Y-Yeah," I reply, looking back ahead, smiling lightly.

He nods and the doors open. He grips me tighter and begins to walk slowly, keeping at my pace as we go.

The place doesn't seem awfully crowded, either. Very few people are on the walkway, and what surrounds us around it are pretty, large trees that hang over the walkway with pink leaves.

"W-Wow.."

He looks over, smiling again. "Hm?"

"I-It's p-pretty."

"The trees?"

"Y-Yeah."

He nods in agreement and we make our way to a garden area with a few benches and a large portion of trees, flowers, and bushes. Again, what surrounds is multiple trees, as if the place is completely secluded from the hospital. It's almost like being in an entirely different area.

"..i-it's s-so peaceful," I said, unable to contain a smile. He looked over, chuckling and sitting me down on a bench.

"I know. It's been a while since you've been outside, huh?"

I nodded, smiling lightly before I begin to re-think the events of what happened. Every single detail...

Suddenly, Adrian shakes me.

"Hey, I'll be right back, okay?"

I nodded, shaking and looking down due to my thoughts. He dropped the bag he was carrying next to me, walking off.

I stared at the bag for a second, wondering what could be inside before Adrian came back, sitting down next to me and handing me a pink flower.

"Here. I thought you'd like this."

I'm unable to contain another smile, taking it. My hands were previously shaking, yet, now they're steady and calm.

"I-It's beautiful." I looked at him, nodding. He chuckled, blushing slightly and reaching behind me to grab the bag that he brought with him, taking it and dropping it onto his lap.

He opens the bag, taking a box out and crushing the bag with his palm. He proceeds to open the box, taking out a phone and handing it to me with a smile.

"Here. Now you can text and call me whenever."

I take it eagerly, turning it on and looking at it.

"I-I... T-Thank you." I look at him, smiling. I hug him and he hugs me back, chuckling lightly.

I still have that thought at the back of my head. That if I didn't distract my mother, I'd still have my parents. My dog. Everyone...

"You okay? You look a bit shaky."

I'm snapped out of it by his words echoing in my ears.

"O-Oh, y-yes... I was just t-thinking." I look up at him, reaching back down to the phone.

"T-Thank you for t-this. I-It's... r-really awesome." I look up at him again, flashing a smile. He nods.

"Here, have this." He hands me his number on a piece of paper.

"Add that to your contacts when we get back to your room, alright?" He adds on, looking back to me.

"O-Okay."

He smiles again.

"We should get you back to your room, don't you think?" He looks down at me. I nod in agreement and he stands up, stuffing the plastic bag into his pockets and putting his hand to me. I grab it with my left hand and he pulls me up, proceeding to grip onto me again as we walk.

What accompanies us down the path again are the trees, benches and trash cans. The loud city noises fade into birds chirping and leaves swaying through the wind, creating a measure of peacefulness.

I find myself lost in the pathway, almost as if it never ends. I don't want it to end...

We reach the outage of the pathway, leading into a fountain area accompanied by benches and multiple people and children around it, tossing coins in. I stare, remembering doing the same things with my family at parks and sight-seeing areas. I begin to remember the events again, wondering what went wrong. How did it start? What was I doing at that exact moment?

Adrian notices me stopping, lightly tugging at me. I quickly point my head down to avoid anyone looking at me. He frowns lightly and we begin to walk again. I walk slowly, trying to avoid tripping in public. We reach back inside and what before was a quiet area of doctors walking is now packed with people, presumingly due to the fact it's the weekend. I continue to keep my head down, pulling myself tighter onto Adrian. We walk into what I presume to be an elevator as he hits the button, looking at me.

"You okay? You were pretty quiet compared to before." He says in a worried, anxious tone.

"Y-Yes... I-It's just... I-I d-didn't like the a-amount of p-people.."

He sighs lightly as the door opens and we walk back in to my room. He sits me down on my bed, sitting next to me.

"Do you mind if I borrow one of your books?" He chuckles lightly.

"G-Go ahead." I smile. He takes Life of Pi off my desk, opening it. I scooch over closer to him, beginning to read it as well. He looks over and smiles lightly, looking back down to the book.

I rest my head on his shoulder, still reading it with him.

"You have a good taste in novels, that's for sure." He says in a jokey tone. I smile lightly and hours begin to fly by before I slowly begin to fall asleep.


	10. Chapter 9: Odd Thoughts

**Chapter 9: Odd Thoughts**

I awake on my bed, laying down with my feet towards the pillow in an odd position, immediately noticing Adrian is missing. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and staring at my hand for a few seconds, staring at the scars sticking out from it. I quickly try to take my mind off it and grab the phone off the desk, seeing a message from Adrian. I open my phone, going to check it.

I begin to read it. "You were asleep by the time I was done reading, sleepy head. See you tomorrow, though!" I smile lightly before putting the phone on my desk, seeing the book he was reading on it. I pick it up, seeing its Life of Pi as I remember...

I put it back on my desk and look towards the window, feeling an immediate sense of boredom, and my thoughts begin to lock onto the events of what happened.. I look down, rubbing my head. I begin to think about Adrian...

What is it I'm feeling? Most of the time my thoughts are about him or.. what happened. What is it? It feels.. odd. Yet, I can't pinpoint it. I feel so many things at once. Happiness... Sadness... Guilt...

But, what is it about him? I always have a strange vibe off of him, and he always makes me happy. Yet, almost nothing else can.. I don't know what I'm feeling. It's.. so many things at once. It's confusing.

Suddenly, the door opens and the doctor walks in, leading to me quickly looking at him, immediately shaking and my thoughts about Adrian being taken away.

"H-Hello.," I say in a shaky tone, flashing him a slight smile.

"Hello." He replies, sitting down next to me and going through a clipboard. He clears his throat, turning towards me.

"We have some news, Mrs. Hanako. In a few weeks, you will be getting moved to an orphanage." He flashes a friendly smile, yet I stare blankly. I.. don't know how to feel about this. What's better? Being trapped here, alone, with my thoughts? Or having to be in an orphanage with other children?

"After that, you will begin getting put in school. We hope you're alright with this change, Hanako." He smiles again before shuffling back through the clipboard.

I stay silent. An orphanage.. And a school? ..People... Everywhere. Non-stop. W-What's this going to be like? Will Adrian be able to come with me? What's going to happen?

He looks at me awkwardly. "Anyways, I'm going to leave you too it, then." He stands up, walking out and closing the door behind me. I put my hands on my face, feeling the scars and quickly taking my hands off before staring down, a tear falling from my eye.

I don't want to back to school. And an orphanage... Up for adoption.. is that what this means? That I'm going to have to live with another family?

I don't like this... Please... I don't like this.

I quickly go into a breakdown, beginning to cry silently, putting my hands on my forehead.

I begin shaking at the thought of having to go in public in front of everyone. Crowds, classrooms.. with how I look?

It... It only brings me back to my first thought.

 _Why did it have to be me?_

Suddenly, the door opens and Adrian walks in with a smile quickly turning to a worried look as he runs over, throwing a bag onto the desk and quickly coming over and hugging me. I stay still for a second before hugging him back.

"Hey... Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" He looks at me, asking in an anxious, worried tone.

"..y-yes... It's.. just.." I let out a sigh, hugging him tighter and lightly letting go. He looks at me, wiping my tears away and lightly smiling at me.

"T-The doctor.. h-he said I h-have too... go t-to an o-orphanage.. a-and an s-school.."

His smile fades and he immediately hugs me again.

"Hey... it's okay. I'll come to visit you regularly, and I bet that school is our one that we usually go too. Okay?" He brushes my hair out of my face, looking at me.

"..o-okay." I look at him, smiling lightly. He smiles, holding my hand for a second and staring at me before snapping out of what looks like a freeze and chuckles awkwardly, turning to the bag and opening it, taking a cookbook out of it. I immediately stared at it, remembering one of the things my friends bought me... It... was a.. a cookbook, right? .. it... That was one of the things they wanted to give me. That was one of the last things I was gifted before my parents...

"Hanako?"

I immediately turn towards him. "O-Oh.. sorry."

He frowns lightly, handing the book towards me, but his frown slowly turns to a smile.

"Here. You do like cooking to an extent, right? I picked this up on the way here. Maybe you'd like it, huh?"

I giggle lightly, taking it and hugging him again before letting it go, opening it and checking through the pages. It seems.. interesting. But... Is this the type of thing my parents would've given me? With all of these different things...

I quickly turn my head up, trying to smile at him. "T-This is great... T-Thank you." I smile at him and he smiles back, and his cheeks go slightly red. "Yeah, no problem." He chuckles, watching me read through it.

Could I possibly cook in the orphanage? ..No, no no... Everyone would watch me.

"Hey, maybe I can take you to my house sometime for a sleepover and you can use that."

..a sleepover...

Why do I like and dislike that thought? On one hand... I'd.. like to be able to use this. And be with him. But.. a house... What if the same thing happens to Adrian? I-Is it because I drag this around everywhere? Am I just... a recipe for disaster? Is that all I am?

He taps my shoulder and I turn to him.

"You seem to be zoning out an awful lot. Are you okay?" He smiles awkwardly.

"O-Oh, y-yes... I just.. h-have a lot to t-think about. A-And.. y-yes. I could t-totally use t-this a-at your h-house.." I smile lightly towards him as he nods, looking down at his phone for a second. I go back to flipping through the book and look down at the necklace he gave me.

Why do I feel some sort of thing? I don't know what it is. It's complicated. It feels like so many things at once... And.. whenever he's around, I'm happy. What am I feeling? What is it? I just.. can't figure it out.

I look at the phone in my pocket as well. How much has he given me... and how much have I taken? ..I've given him nothing in return. I feel.. selfish. Why does he do all of this without wanting anything in return? Does he feel the same thing?

"Oh, dear.."

"H-Huh?"

"Hey, Hanako, my family needs me back at the house, something happened. I can't explain, but I'll be back later, okay?" He turns to me.

"..o-okay." I try to break a smile, but I'm unable. It hurts to see him leave every time.. And every time he is around... It's like time just... doesn't exist. I turn to the clock for a short period of time, seeing it's 3 PM. How much time do I pass just... reading and talking to him? It just... makes it hurt even more when he leaves. I...

"I'll see you in a bit." He holds my hand for a second before letting go, walking out of the room. I lay back on the bed and put the book on the counter, staring at the ceiling, thinking everything over.

Every single thought... What I'm feeling about Adrian... My parents... The fact I'm going to an orphanage and a school...

I don't understand it. Any of it.

I close my eyes, trying to sleep and fade away, to forget about everything.


	11. Chapter 10: Weaknesses

**Chapter 10: Weaknesses**

I awake on my bed again, sitting up. Sometimes this feels like an endless cycle of nothingness... It's.. every day, the same thing. Waking up and waiting for the inevitable?

I shake the thought off, turning towards the window and looking out onto the massive city, streets and cars driving by. How long before I'm down there with the crowd?

I turn to my legs, wondering if it's possible for me to walk yet. I sigh, thinking about Adrian as soon as the thought of walking hits my head. I scratch my head and put my feet on the floor, slowly beginning to stand, although shaky. I.. guess I have to get used to this if I'm going to the orphanage and a school soon. I can't.. have Adrian help me 24/7 like before. It's scary. Crowds. Tons of faces. Voices. Yelling. I don't like it.. not at all.

I take a step forward, groaning and shaking again, looking at the floor. I begin to step towards the window slowly, keeping on balance.

Step after step, I reach the window, exhausted and resting my shoulder against it. I guess it's possible in this case, but, I have to keep trying. Yet, a simple walk drained the life out of me.

I walk back to my bed, granted slowly, and sit back down, panting. I giggle lightly, funny as how it feels as if I've run a marathon. I turn back to my desk, seeing the phone Adrian got me. I stare at it for a few seconds, beginning to re-think every thought of what happened.. Wasn't one of the things my parents wanted to give me a computer and a phone? .. that... Was one of the birthday presents...

I put my hands on my head and look down, beginning to think about the orphanage and the school. Will I see Alan, Rachel, and Mark? What will they think of me? How can I walk into class... Looking like this? How? I'm going to be made fun of and looked at every day.. ..what about Adrian?

I stare down at the floor, feeling a tear fall from my eye as I pull my sleeve up, staring at my burned arm and how it goes out onto my hand. I pull it back down, shaking, feeling as if I'm in a panic attack, thinking over everything at once. It's glimpses between everything... My mother... My dad... Adrian... What IF I didn't bother them with the presents or the cake? What would've happened, and where would I be?

I stare up at the window, seeing it being brighter than before, realizing it's noon. I was caught up in my thoughts for at least an hour, again.. Why does this have to be real? Why can't I wake up in bed on the day of my birthday? Why can't I change a thing?

I lay down for a second before thinking about something to do to take my mind off of what's going on, and what peeks into my head are thoughts of the library. But how would I get there? What if I get looked at?

It's.. not worth it, is it? I.. I could try.. Could I walk there? ..I can check the hallway, I guess.

I stand up, still shaking and overthinking as I kick my feet into motion towards the door, though slowly. I open it, peeking it into the hallway and seeing it is almost completely empty. For what felt like a hammer hitting me before now feels like nothing, and I'm completely relieved. I have to try, I guess...

I slowly walk back to my bed, grabbing my phone off the counter and turning to the door, walking into the hallway, making sure no one is around. I walk forwards down the hallway and take a right down another hallway before my legs suddenly feel like they can't take anymore. I slide down against the wall, panting, quickly stopping as I hear footsteps in the distance in the hallways.

I freeze up, realizing someone else is coming. It feels as if I'm being hunted, and I want to run, but I can't. I don't even feel like I could walk. I-I feel trapped. Oh god... Oh god...

The steps grow closer and closer before a doctor steps around the corner and stare at me laying against the wall, and what I can only imagine a face of terror on me. My heart beats out of my chest and I freeze, turning my head the other way, shaking. I begin to rethink everything, and all I can hear are muffled words from the doctor. I can hear slow footsteps towards me as I shake harder and harder before it suddenly all goes dark.

 **"Everything will be okay.."**

 **"GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER, NOW!"**

 **"O-Oh god.."**

 **"THE WHOLE GODDAMN KITCHEN IS ON FUCKING FIRE!"**

I slam up in a bed, shaking and my face feels like it's on fire and I'm drenched in sweat. I appear to be in my room, and instead of a bright sun outside, it's nighttime. What.. happened? I.. I remember one-second footsteps and the next.. nothing. I.. could hear my parents... I-I... Was I having a nightmare?

Still shaking and my hands sweaty, I turn and grab my phone off my desk, checking the time, seeing it's 1 AM. ..what happened to me?

I see multiple missed calls and texts from Adrian, checking them. Multiple seem to be asking "Are you okay?" "Are you awake?" "Hanako, please respond." Over and over, all ranging from 10 pm to 12 AM... I go ahead and text him back, despite how late it is.

"I am now... What happened?" I type in and hit the send button. I get a reply.

"Oh, thank GOD you're fine. I've been up so late in fear." I see on my phone. I'm in total confusion, unsure of what happened.

"Uhm... What happened?" I reply. He texts back "According to the doctors when I came in earlier today they found you having a panic attack and passing out in the hallway. I thought you were in a coma, or died, or WORSE!" I stare at the phone, looking up for a few seconds.

So.. So I can't.. even handle one person. How... How am I going to be able to go to school? Or in front of tons of kids and crowds in the orphanage? Or a whole new family?

I.. I'm weak. That's what. I.. I broke down in front of a doctor... One person. That's how weak I am..

I look back to the phone, beginning to cry due to feeling everything at once. I just want Adrian. I.. I'm so weak. I just.. wanted to go to the library..

"Can you come by tomorrow?" I type in quickly, hitting send and dropping the phone on my desk, still crying.

I hear the notification, but still staring down at the bed. I let out a sigh with silent tears flowing from my eyes,

I grab the phone, seeing "Yes, definitely. I'll be there at 9 AM, I promise. Okay?"

I reply "Okay. Goodnight, Adrian."

He texts back "You too. Please, get some sleep."

I drop my phone on my desk, lying over and facing the window, seeing the city light up at night, cars, neon signs, and buildings are all on. It's amazing to see, accompanied by stars hovering over everyone.

I begin to think about everything again. The sounds of the doctor's shoes hitting the floor as he approached... My nightmare... I feel so weak. I-I... I couldn't even handle one person seeing me. Why did I feel so trapped and hunted at that moment? It was scary. I.. Can I only go around with Adrian? Is that the only way I can go anywhere?

I spiral down in my thoughts about everything, watching the city from the window as I do. A tear falls from my eye, hitting my pillow as I flip over to face my desk, grabbing the karaoke book off of it, facing back to the window and opening the book, beginning to read to do anything to get my mind off of what's happening.

Hours fly by before I begin seeing a light fade onto me, pulling my book down to see the sun coming over the horizon, the city foggy and what was previously lighted and active, darker and looks as if no ones here due to the fog. I look at the clock, seeing it's 5:30 AM. It feels like a sword stabs into my chest upon realizing I was up the whole night, knowing Adrian is arriving at 9 AM. It's almost like in the summer, staying up late, watching TV and reading...

I miss Adrian.

I put my book down, resting my head down and closing my eyes, slowly trying to drift away and sleep, as everything gets darker and darker.


	12. Chapter 11: Last Few Days

**Chapter 11: Last Few Days**

 **"Hanako..."**

 **"Hannieeee..."**

 **"Hanaaaakooo.."**

 **"Hanako."**

I open my eyes to see Adrian sitting on the bed next to me, looking at me and chuckling.

"You're a heavy sleeper."

"O-Oh... I-I'm sorry." I giggle, sitting up and folding my hands.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I am too. Are you alright from yesterday?" He says in a concerned and worried tone. I stare down, rethinking what happened. The sound of the doctor's shoes hitting the floor ache in my head, accompanied by the feeling of my heart sinking.

I look back to him. "Y-Yes... I-I just.." I look back down. He wraps his arm around me.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, okay? I'm always here. I always will be. I promise." He smiles at me and I nod, looking back down and unable to contain a smile.

"Y-Yes... It's j-just... I-I got s-scared... T-That's all."

I say in a low pitched tone, obviously sounding vague. He nods, although I can see the disbelief in his eyes. He's more than likely worried and confused.

"H-Hey.." I say to him in a quiet tone.

"Mhm?" He replies.

"I-I w-was up.. r-really late.." I giggle.

"..how late?"

"L-Like.. u-until 5:30.." I look away in obvious embarrassment.

He chuckles. "I didn't know you still did that."

"C-Couldn't sleep," I reply, looking at the window.

"I see. Oh, hey, when are you leaving for the orphanage?"

"I-In t-two days, I think.."

"I see. How about tomorrow we take a walk? It'll be a quick goodbye before you have to go, you know?" He smiles towards me.

"O-Okay.." A walk.. sounds nice.

I'm excited to leave, to get away from the hospital. But.. at the same time... why do I have to be in a place with so many faces? So many noises? I.. I just want to be alone. Or with Adrian. I.. don't want to go back to school... I-I'm like this.. forever. There's no cure. This isn't a dream. I-I... Why?

"You alright?"

"O-Oh, yes. I'm just t-thinking."

He nods, turning to the window and letting out a sigh.

"Hey.. do you wanna go to the cafeteria? Maybe it won't be too crowded, right?"

..c-cafetira.. Like at school. W-When... When I have t-to go to one...

"Hanako?"

I turn to him.

"O-Oh, y-yes. T-That.. s-sound's like a good idea."

"Cool! Ready to go, then?"

I nod, smiling lightly. He gets up off the bed and I grab my phone and stuff it in my jacket's pocket, standing up. He holds my hand.

"Whoa.. you're standing. You think you can walk?"

My heart suddenly sinks at the thought of holding onto him, and I don't know why.

"A-Ah... I.. still m-may n-need some help."

He chuckles, wrapping his arm around me as we begin to walk, and I begin to keep up to pace, seeming to have less balancing issues. He opens the door and I hang onto him tighter as we walk out, seeing the hallway crowded like last time.

"Ah, dang. We'll just have to go through."

I pull onto him tighter and look down, almost as if I'm a part of him, and I begin to look down, closing my eyes. I hear a giggle from him as he begins to walk and I follow. Multiple voices are heard as I cling onto him tighter, shaking. I can only imagine multiple people looking at me... I.. can't look. I don't want too.

The talking begins to quiet down, as I hear Adrian's voice in a soft, calm tone.

"We're here."

I look up to see almost no one in the cafeteria, only a few chefs and one or two people sitting on benches.

"Hey, can you go find us a seat?"

I suddenly freeze up at the thought of walking alone again.. Will.. will it happen again? But Adrian's here... I have to be okay.

In a shakey, obviously reluctant tone, I comply.

"O-Okay.."

He nods. "What do you want?"

"I-I'll just h-have water a-and a sandwich."

He nods, letting go of me. "I'll be there in a second." He smiles towards me and I turn around to face the tables and benches, shaking and biting my lips, beginning to walk. I see a person eye me and I immediately freeze up for a brief second before walking faster, with what I can only imagine a tear flowing from my eye. I'm... scared. It's scary, being alone. I.. tried it once. I-I just want to go home... To wake up. To see my parents on the day of my birthday.

I see a table in a corner with a view onto the city, far away from anyone. I sit down at it, shaking and looking towards the window. I.. can't believe I did it. It's.. a small accomplishment. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but... It makes me slightly happy that I could do it. That I managed to go out alone... Even if I knew Adrian was near.

Suddenly Adrian walks up with two sandwiches and drinks, setting it down on a tray on the table, smiling towards me and sitting down.

"You okay? You look shaky as heck."

"O-Oh, yes... I-I'm okay." I nod at him with a smile. I take my sandwich, beginning to eat in small bites as he does the same while looking out the window.

After a while of silence, we both finish.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"H-Huh?" I turn to Adrian. He points towards the window of the city, sidewalks, and trees.

"O-Oh, yes... I-I love it." I smile lightly.

"Well, I think I can work out where I wanna take that walk. Ready to go back to your room, Hanako?" He turns to me.

I nod and he stands up, throwing the tray away and grabbing his drink as I grab mine and stand up. I walk over and hold onto him as he smiles as we both begin to walk. The room feels.. empty. As if we're the only two in the entire hospital. We begin to walk back down the hallways, and I stare at a spot, stopping.

"Hanako?"

T-That's... where I passed out, isn't it? It looks exactly like it. Suddenly, I begin to rethink what happened of the doctor walking around the corner, his muffled words, my shaking, my heart beating uncontrollably.

"Hanako!"

I suddenly turn to him, jolted out of it by his shouting, but, I begin to remember... Wasn't.. one of the things my dad said to me... My name shouted to wake me up?

I stare dead ahead before quickly looking at him.

"Are you okay? You looked like you were having Vietnam flashbacks."

I chuckle. "Y-Yeah... I'm o-okay.."

"Well, let's get going, then."

We begin to walk again as I stare at the spot before I'm unable to see it anymore and we turn the corner, walking to my door.

He opens it and we walk in, setting our drinks on the counter, sitting down on the bed together.

"T-Thank y-you for c-coming w-with me.." I turn to him.

"Hey, no problem. It's almost 5 PM so I have to go, but we'll take that walk tomorrow, okay? I'll be here at 9 AM again." He looks at me with a smile.

"O-Okay."

He stands up, walking out and grabbing his drink, waving me goodbye as he walks out. I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

..two days... Two days before I go.. Two days until I see everyone accompanied by loud noises and yelling. Will I be made fun of? Will I get to see Adrian again?

I close my eyes, letting my thoughts spiraled deeper and deeper until it all goes dark.


	13. Chapter 12: Last Hours

**Chapter 12: Last Hours**

I open my eyes, groaning and not moving, my eyes directing towards the window as the morning light shines through onto me. I slowly sit up, turning to the clock and seeing it's 8:30 AM. Adrian should be in around an hour or something. I grab the karaoke book off my desk to kill time, seeing as how I'm almost done with it anyway. I begin to read through it.

I.. wonder if I could sing at the orphanage. But... I'd.. just get made fun of. There's no point.

I sigh, putting the book down on the desk and rolling over onto my side, resting my head on my pillow and beginning to rethink what happened.. It's... It's as if I can see through my parent's eyes. What they were doing at that moment... It's.. scary. I look down at my hand, staring at the scars. I.. don't want to imagine going into public and grabbing something, only for someone to see this. I'm going to be banished... Like... Like I'm an alien. That's how people are going to treat me.

I turn my head back up towards the window, sighing. Time flys by before the door opens and I turn to Adrian, as I sit up and look at him.

"H-Hey." I smile at him. He walks over, sitting next to me.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Y-Yes... H-How was your morning?"

"Fine, I got up and came straight here. Do you wanna go out for the walk?"

"Y-Yes." I smile and he smiles back, pulling me up as I grab onto him and we both begin to walk, although slowly. We step out into the hallway, seeing almost no one due to it being bright and early. Both of us begin to walk towards the elevator as we step inside. Adrian looks at me, smiling for a second before hitting the ground floor button.

After a few minutes, the door opens and we both step outside. The sun is shining and there's a light layer of fog, creating a calm and peaceful atmosphere. We both walk forward slowly.

"Do you wanna take a forest walk or go to the garden?"

"T-The garden sounds fine." I look at him, smiling. We both continue walking, down the path where the garden is. Due to the light layer of fog, it's beautiful to see, accompanied by the sound of leaves swaying in the wind and faint sounds from the city becoming more distant and distant as we tread forward. We reach the garden area, seeing no one in it as I let out a sigh of relief. We both walk over and he sets me down on the bench, sitting down next to me.

He looks up at the sky as I rest my head on him, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of the leaves swaying. This.. reminds me of being younger, when we would go camping with my parents. My parents.. what if they were here? What would they think of me as this? Would they call me a freak? Would they still hug me?

I.. want to wake up. I want to wake up on the day of my birthday.

"Hey, Hanako?"

I'm taken out of my thoughts by his gentle voice, opening my eyes and turning to him.

"O-Oh, h-hey.."

"You alright?"

"Y-Yeah.."

"Good." He lets out a sigh of relief, adding onto his statement. "Can you come with me for a second?"

"O-Okay.."

We both get up, and that thought of my parents sticks at the back of my head. The thought of being banished... It's going to happen, isn't it? Everyone's going to think of me as something.. else. I'm just... Noone's going to like me. No one.

We step forwards a bit before reaching the middle of the path and Adrian stops, looking towards me.

"Hanako... I.. I've been meaning to tell you this for weeks... But.."

Wait...

 **"I love you, Hanako."**

 **"..so much."**

I.. I can't...

He doesn't mean it... He doesn't...

I can't do this... I can't do this! My parents' words echo in the back of my head as I begin shaking with Adrian's deadpan stare at me. I throw my arms off of him and turn around, sprinting as fast as I can.

"Hanako! Wait!"

I can hear him chasing after me... I can't do this... It's too much...

I-It's all at once... My parents' words... What they would t-think of me... The orphanage... I can't do this...

I keep running, despite every time my feet hit the ground it feels like a nail being driven into my lungs.

"Hanako, Please!"

I see a street up ahead, running across it and falling to the ground, breathing heavily and panting. Although, suddenly, I hear a loud thump noise from a car, followed by sliding and tires screeching.

..oh, no no. No no no...

I slowly turn my head around...

H-He's there. On the g-ground... B-Blood is b-behind him.. A-And his head.. I-It's...

 **"How about tomorrow we take a walk? It'll be a quick goodbye before you have to go."**

 **"I'm always here. I always will be."**

 **"I promise."**

 **"Hanako, Wait!"**

 **"I'm not sure. It'll be an adventure, you know?"**

 **"Uh, no. I want to see your reaction when I'm there."**

 **"I love you, Hanako."**

 **"..so much."**


	14. Chapter 13: A Long Road Ahead

**Chapter 13: A Long Road Ahead**

 **Author Note**

 **Hello! Apologies for my absence, a large number of things happened in such a short span of time that I wasn't able to get anything out for this story, but now I'm free and ideas are flowing in like a waterfall, and what better way to come back then with a long chapter? Enjoy!**

My eyes slowly open to being in a hospital bed as I jolt up, seeing it's morning outside. W-What... What happened yesterday? Did... Did Adrian...

I turn to my phone, grabbing it and seeing no texts from Adrian on it. I begin shaking... Did he... Did he g-get.? No.. No.. No, he couldn't have. H-He's all I have left. Nothing else...

The doctor walks in and I freeze at the sight of him, but it seems to be a different doctor.

"Mrs. Hanako.." He speaks in a more sad tone compared to before, sitting on a chair in front of me.

"It is our apologies to confirm that your friend, Adrian Louis, am I correct in his name?"

I nod, shaking... Don't t-tell me...

"He was.." He lets out a sigh. "Hit by a speeding vehicle two days ago, and.. he was.." The doctor pauses frequently... N-No... no no no... H-He didn't die... Please... Please, please...

"Killed instantly. I-I'm sorry." He looks up at me.

I stare in total and complete shock. I.. E-Everything I had... H-He... W-We were going to g-go to school together.. He was.. e-everything... No.. No, I'm having a nightmare. I am having a nightmare, this isn't possible! H-He... He meant absolutely e-everything...

I break down into tears in front of the doctor, sobbing in my hands. I.. I d-don't...

E-Every single m-moment... I-It's my fault. A-All of it. If I didn't r-run.. he'd be here. We'd be going to school together. It's all because I r-ran.. H-He got... Oh my god...

E-Everything is because of me... I.. My parents... M-My dog, Adrian... I-It's all because of me. I'm... I'm s-such a horrible person. W-What's wrong with me? It's.. all because of me. I'm a monster. N-Nothing else. I'm just a horrible person.

"Mrs. Hanako?" I could hear him in a stern but sad voice. I slowly lifted my head up, still crying with silent tears flowing from my eyes.

"W-We're.. going to offer you two extra days to stay here, due to these unfortunate chains of events. You have a choice to stay here for up to two days before you will be moved to the orphanage we've assigned."

T-Two days... Still here? Still back here with all I caused? I.. I guess it's... b-better than having to be at the orphanage.

"..o.."

I can't even get a word out because of this... Why.. Why? F-First my family... Then Adrian...

"..o-okay.. ..t..t-two d-days is f-fine."

He nods, sighing, getting up and leaving. I lay back on my bed, staring at the window and curling into a ball, crying into my legs.

W-Why? Why did he have to go? It was all my fault. All of it. I-I... I ran. That's why he isn't here...

H-He... He said he.. "loved" me... Is that what I-I was feeling? I-It is, isn't it? It's exactly what I was feeling.

A-And.. and now he's gone because of me. It's all my fault... If I didn't r-run across the street... I-If I just.. stayed where I was.. he'd still be here w-with me.

I slowly sit up, putting my hand on my head, proceeding to let tears slowly come out of my eyes while staring down at my bed. I look at my arms... T-This jacket... T-The sleeves... And m-my clothes...

I look down to my necklace, pulling it off and looking at it. I pick up my phone, looking at the other various objects he got me. He.. gave me so much... and I m-made him disappear.

I-I... I don't d-deserve to be here. All I do is bring hatred and bad l-luck... I.. I had one chance.. and now it's all gone. All of it.

I proceed to look back on the housefire as if I can see through their v-viewpoint...

A-And then Adrian... Being hit... Oh god...

I lay back on my bed, crying, gripping the necklace in my palm. I begin to stare at the ceiling, gazing over my abundance of thoughts. Every single little memory and thought... Why did I have to r-run? Why? I was so... stupid. And look what it resulted in. It's all because of me. All of it.

I turn my head towards the window, staring out onto the city, seeing the walkways and forest area where we went..

I shake, grabbing my phone and looking at my contact list, seeing "Adrian" is the only thing there. I immediately drop my phone and slam backward, covering my face as I break down into tears.

Look at all of the destruction I-I've brought... F-First my family... And then Adrian...

What would he think of me if he was still here? Would he hate me? Would he l-leave me?

Everyone's left me... Alan.. Mark.. Rachel... Adrian... Mom... Dad... They're all g-gone. Because of my mistakes and my stupidity...

I put my necklace on, still crying as I close my eyes, hoping the pain will fade away.

 **"GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! NOW!"**

 **"Hanako... I.. I've been meaning to tell you this for weeks... But.."**

 **"The whole goddamn kitchen is on fucking fire!"**

 **"I love you, Hanako."**

 **"E-Everything will be okay."**

 **"..so much."**

Suddenly, my eyes open, and I begin shaking, realizing I had a nightmare. I sigh, feeling a tear come out of my eye. I look to the window, seeing it's night as I let my feet hit the floor, standing up and slowly walking towards it, leaning against it and looking out onto the city light up at night. I begin to cry on the window, closing my eyes...

Why can't I wake up? Why can't Adrian come from behind and hug me? Why can't... Why can't this all be just a bad dream...

I look down at my legs, noticing I'm standing okay... S-So... A-Adrian even helped me learn how to walk again.. and I still took everything from him... Absolutely everything...

W-What does his family think of me? Do they hate me? T-Their son is gone.. because of me.

P-Please, let it all be a bad dream. Please.

I walk to my bed, laying down and rolling over, sighing and staring towards the window. I grab a book, sitting up and sighing. I stand up off my bed, beginning to wonder if there's any balconies or outside areas. I open my door, walking out into the hallway and seeing no one. I slowly begin to walk around with my book in arms, and I see a sign that points to a balcony area. I begin to walk, reaching it and seeing the door is unlocked. I walk out onto it... I don't think I'm supposed to be here, but, I don't care. There are multiple chairs and tables.

I sit down on one of the chairs, feeling the wind blow through my hair as I look down at the massive city of lights, cars and neon signs. I open my book, beginning to read and attempt to forget about everything... Adrian... My family... I just want the pain to go away.

I put the book down after a minute and lay my head back, looking up at the night stars, gazing upon them, going between each. What would it be like to be out here and have Adrian with me? I.. I miss him. I wish he could be here. But... it's all my fault.

I close my eyes, hearing the sound of the wind blowing while feeling it go across me, almost calming. I look back down at the city and put my book on one of the tables, walking up to the end of the balcony where the fence is, leaning on it and looking down at the city. There are so many people... So many places... How many people are like me? N-Not... Normal. I'm going to be down there soon.. People are going to call me names a-and.. everyone's going to blame me for Adrian, aren't they? What about his family?

I feel a tear come from my eye, watching it slowly drop my face and off the balcony, down to the long fall of the ground.

I look up, backing up and picking my book up, sitting down and reading again. I begin to remember everything Adrian did for me... Buying me things...

I take my necklace off again, looking at it as my hands are shaky. I put it back on and pull my sleeve up, looking at my arm. I let out a sigh as a tear falls from my eye. I'm going to be like this.. forever. And there's no fighting it. I.. I'm a monster. I take things from other people and.. g-give nothing in return despite how much they do for me. I'm a terrible person.

I pull my sleeve up, letting a tear flow down my face and hit my sleeve. I begin to see the sky brighten a small bit as fog lays in. I immediately notice it's turning day... I may want to go back. I guess I can stay for the sunrise. I look towards it and see it slowly rising as I slowly smile, but it descends into sadness, remembering how I stayed up all night once due to the hallway event... I sigh, grabbing my book and standing up, looking at the sunrise one last time before entering back into the hallway sector and going towards my room. I hear a doctor open a door and immediately enter my room, letting out a sigh of relief when he doesn't catch me. I walk back to my bed, sitting down. My legs feel exhausted as I lay down, looking towards the window. Normally I'd be texting Adrian, but...

I begin to cry lightly, gripping my pillow and shaking... I want to hear his voice again. I want to see him. But... He's gone. Forever. Because of me... And he'll never be back.

I cry for a few minutes before slowly going quiet, staring at the window, overthinking. I sit up, thinking about something to take my mind off everything, realizing the library opens soon. I sigh.

What happened the last time I tried to go there? I was so... weak. And look what I ended myself up in. Just.. m-more pain. And that's what I'll cause here... But, I have to try. I.. I can't be sitting around c-constantly... I.. have to do other things.

I sit up, giving my legs a break for a few minutes before getting up and grabbing my phone off my desk, and stopping, beginning to think. Who am I going to c-call with it? The only person I talked too is.. gone. B-Because of me...

I drop it back onto my counter, walking towards my door and slowly opening the door, peeking out. Noone is around and I let out a sigh of relief, beginning to walk towards the library. I stop and look at the hallway where I had a breakdown and it sends a chill down my spine... Waking up to Adrian's messages... I.. won't be able to read those anymore... He's gone. Forever.

I decide not to re-create what happened via a breakdown and begin walking again, reaching the library and seeing it's open as I walk in. The librarian doesn't notice me and I quickly move to the back of the room without being spotted, sitting down and looking to the right of me, seeing the chair where Adrian sat with me in the library.. But.. he's not there. And he never.. ever will be.

I sigh quietly, grabbing a book off of a shelf, looking down at it. H-Huh... "Captains of the Sands." I-It should be okay, I guess.

After a very long period of time of being invested in the book, I look up, seeing it's noon via the clock on the wall. I smile lightly, but quickly stop, remembering the last time I spent so much time here... Adrian was here, wasn't he? A-And then we walked back to my room t-together... Why...

I sigh, standing up and walking towards the librarian.

"Oh, hello." Surprisingly, this time he doesn't seem to take any sort of shock or offense.

"..h-hi.." I slide the book over, looking down.

He gives it back to me after checking it out.

"Please, return it by tomorrow morning, okay?"

I nod, quickly grabbing it and walking out, shaking. I stop dead in my tracks upon seeing the hallway crowded with people. Oh my god... No.. no.. No no no...

I freeze, immediately remembering how Adrian would walk me through these areas... I back up, beginning to cry as I quickly walk back into the library, going to the back and sitting down, dropping my book on the other chair and putting my hands on my head, shaking. Oh my god... I.. Noone's here to help m-me... I'm all alone.

I-I guess I just.. h-have to wait until it passes. It's l-like a storm...

I rest my head back on my chair, putting my hand on my head, sighing. I grab my book again and try to get invested in to forget everything, but I'm unable. I drop it on my lap and my thoughts trace back to Adrian, as I shiver, beginning to re-think what happened.. M-Me running... Turning around... The car.

I cry silently, looking down at the ground. I begin shaking while putting both of my hands on my head, suddenly taking my right hand off due to the feeling of the scars... W-Will they ever heal?

What a stupid question. They never will. I'm like this.. f-forever. I'm... a monster. That's exactly what I am.

I sigh, grabbing my book and beginning to read, this time with a noticeable difference as I'm actually able to fly away into the words that I cross my eyes upon.

After what I can only assume to be multiple hours, I finish the book and put it back, noticing a difference in lighting. I begin to feel tired, as I've been up for far too long. But... I have to get back to my room.

I stand up, walking towards the door and ignoring the librarian. Luck is on my side as the hallway is empty and I smile lightly, beginning to walk.

I later reach my room and open the door, walking in and sitting down on the bed. I lay down, feeling extremely worn out and tired. I close my eyes, sinking my head into my pillow, and after multiple minutes, the darkness fades into my eyes.

 **"How about tomorrow we take a walk?"**

 **"I love you, Hanako."**

I open my eyes, seeing the lighting significantly change again, as it's dark. I sit up and feel my face wet... Did.. did I cry in my sleep?

I sigh, facing the window and letting my feet hit the floor again. I begin to think about earlier today... God.. am I really that weak that I can't.. even walk in a crowd?

I'm so.. useless. Look at what I've been doing.. Crying and shaking. T-That's it.

I look down, beginning to think about the balcony again. I sigh, grabbing the phone off the counter and stuffing it in my jacket, getting up and walking towards the door, opening it and seeing no one, as usual. I walk out into the hallway and take the exact same path, leading to the empty balcony... I feel the wind again and walk towards the edge, leaning on the railing and closing my eyes, letting it all flow through me...

I take my phone out of my pocket, going into my contact list and seeing Adrian. I begin to slowly cry...

I.. I don't want this. Who am I going to call, anyway? Nobody... B-Because everything I would call is g-gone.. because of me.

I swing my arm back and chuck the phone as hard as possible as I can into the air over the railing, leading into falling to the ground. I sigh, sitting back down on one of the chairs.

I stare back up at the stars... I remember when I and Adrian were so young, and we'd try and count all of the stars... I.. Why can't he be here? Why can't we do that again? I-It's because of me. I don't.. even need to ask.

I sigh, getting one last glimpse of the city before turning around and walking towards the door, opening it and going inside, following the exact same path back to my room, hearing nothing but my shoes hitting the floor in the empty, dark gloomy hallways.

I reach my door and open it, walking in and looking around.

H-How long has I spent here? In this room? In this bed? Crying.. shaking...

I-I'm weak and I'm useless.

I walk forwards to my bed, laying down on it... This is the l-last day here... and then I go to the orphanage. A-And then the school... So many faces... So many people.. w-what awaits me?

I close my eyes, curling into a ball and slowly letting it all fade away into black.


	15. Chapter 14: Arrival

**Chapter 14: Arrival**

I open my eyes, sitting up and realizing I'm alone again. I turn to the window and see the sun rising, let a sigh escape my lips as I put my feet on the floor, putting my hands on my head and feeling a tear fall from my eye.

A-Adrian... I...

I don't know what to do. N-Normally I'd be looking forward to seeing him today, yet he won't b-be coming today.. a-and... It's because of what I did. I'm... such a monster.

I look up back to the window, putting my hands on my legs and gripping my jeans. I let go and stand up, walking to the window and leaning against it again, closing my eyes and beginning to cry, thinking about the orphanage.

T-There's going to be s-so many people... So m-many faces.. and i-it scares me. I.. I want to g-go home. I want to wake up in b-bed... I-I want to smell breakfast again a-and see my door with the light shining in.. N-Not a large window with a view onto a city.

I turn around to my bed and walk back over, sitting down and shaking. I-I leave tomorrow for the orphanage... W-What am I going to be thought of when I walk in? Everyone's going to s-stare at me. I'm going to be t-thought of as an alien... A-And it's... a-all my own fault.

I lay down, starting to the window for a brief few seconds before closing my eyes and continuing to cry into my pillow.

W-Why did I have to distract m-mom... Why...

For what I can only assume are hours pass of me sinking into my thoughts and letting tears come from my eyelids, as I can hear the door opening. My eyes burst open and I turn to the door, seeing a doctor walk in and sitting down in front of me on a chair as usual.

I slowly face him, looking down, shaking. I.. I-I don't w-want him to be in here.

"Mrs. Hanako, I only came in to be assured you're ready to leave tomorrow. Are you on point with every single thing? The fact you're going to the same school, you're leaving tomorrow... anything can be changed if you need."

"..I-I'm okay."

He nods to me. "You may take any personal items you want with you. Things like toothbrushes or anything else you may require will be available to you at the orphanage, is that okay?"

I nod, still shaking. I-I just w-want him to leave... P-Please...

"Okay. You'll be transported by a vehicle through the city to the orphanage, dropped off at your arrival and welcomed in to stay."

B-Back through the city? A-Again? O-Oh god...

I nod slowly, waiting for him to stand up and leave via the door.

"I think that'll be all, ma'am. You may let me know if anything is out of order whenever you like, and I'll be seeing you tomorrow." He gives me a friendly smile before standing up, walking out the door. I continue staring down at the floor, tears again coming from my eyes as I shake.

I-I.. w-will we d-drive w-where A-Adrian disappeared? A-Am I going to h-have to look at it? What does it look like?

I lean over into my bed and rest my head on my pillow, closing my eyes while sinking into an array of thoughts.

 **Mrs. Hanako?**

 **Hanako.**

 **Ikezawa.**

 **Hanako?**

 **Hanako!**

My eyes flash open and I slam up, seeing the doctor sitting in a chair next to me, and it seems to be extremely early in the morning. W-Wait.. is it the next day? Does that mean...

"Good morning. Apologies if I spooked you, it's just that your car is here." He clears his throat. "I'll wait for you outside your door. Take your time and pack the belongings you think are necessary." He would then hand me a backpack as I reach over and take it, my hands shaky, and my eyes feel as if they're about to cry a river.

He proceeds to stand up, walking outside the door and closing it. I begin crying, putting my hands on my head. T-Today... I-I... Now I-I'm going to be there in the orphanage.. w-what am I going to be thought of? An alien? A monster? H-How many p-people will know A-Adrian is.. g-gone.. because of m-me...

W-Will his parents e-ever come and see...

...parents...

I-I... I-I want my p-parents. I want to s-see my mom again...

I lift my head up, and with tears still flowing from my eyes, reach to my desk, piling a few books in I've bought in the past in, stopping upon looking down at my necklace on my chest. I sigh, letting go of the backpack and laying back on my bed, staring at the ceiling.

W-Why can't I j-just go home? Why can't I wake up in my bed to see the sunshine arraying through my window and projecting light onto my floor? W-Why?

I.. I-I don't w-want to exist. I want to disappear a-and never be found.

I sit up, trying to contain my tears and grabbing my backpack, zipping it up and throwing it on. I-It.. r-reminds me of school. S-School... D-Didn't Adrian say he wanted to wait for the next day to g-give me my present?

I close my eyes tightly, letting out a whine and crying lightly. I-I... I c-can't handle this anymore. I want it all to d-disappear.

I spiral into such thoughts before I'm snapped out of it by a knock on the door.

"Mrs. Hanako?"

I could hear the doctor's voice muffled behind the door. I sigh, standing up and going to the door, resting my hand on the knob before freezing.

O-Once I open this.. t-there's no... c-coming back... I won't b-be here anymore... I-I'll be in crowds... D-Dozens and d-dozens of people.. A-And I'll be l-looked at by each...

I.. I'm s-scared. I don't want to do this. I c-can't.

I let go of the doorknob, backing up with tears beginning to flow from my eyes again. I-I can't d-do this... I can't! I just.. I just can't.

I d-don't want to exist anymore... I just.. I just want to disappear. I want Adrian. I want my parents. I.. I-I want to go back home and pet my dog. I want to feel my mother hugging me a-again...

I'm... I-I'm so weak. I can't even bring myself to open this door. A-All for what? B-Because I'm scared?

I'm just... s-such a c-coward... I c-can't walk through crowds... I.. I-I k-killed... A-Adrian... A-And now...

I can't e-even open a d-door.

I walk back up to it and grip the knob in my hands, finding myself frozen again, b-before it suddenly turns without my hand moving, as it opens, appearing to be the doctor.

"Hanako? Are you okay?"

O-Oh... I-I'm s-still crying, aren't I?

"..y-yes.."

I look down, folding my hands and shaking.

"Hanako." He kneels down to me, placing both of his hands on my shoulders, making me shake harder... P-Please j-just let go... S-Stop...

"Listen. I understand this is all hard, but you are going to be better where you arrive. I promise deeply. I'll walk you to your car, okay?"

I nod slowly as he lets go, my shaking becomes less and less noticeable. I brush my hair down to attempt covering the b-burns, a-and he begins walking, sticking his hand out to me.

I stare at it for a few moments before shakily grabbing it with my non-scarred hand, as he begins walking, I attempt to keep up.

I-I... I w-want to let go... But... But that'd b-be being mean... H-How much have I BEEN mean recently?

I.. I d-don't w-want to h-hurt him.. B-But I want to let go. I want to run. P-Please... Please, j-just let go...

As we continue walking, multiple people stare. I go to cling closer to the doctor before realising...

H-He's.. n-not Adrian.

Oh, g-god... I have no one to h-hold onto in this situation... N-Noone to hug me...

I.. I'm h-helpless. Exposed. Weak.

I freeze up, and my heart begins to feel like it's pulsing from my chest. Everything begins to fade out into a blur, and all I can hear is a faint calling of my name in the background, muffled by ringing into my ears.

W-Why? W-Why a-any of this?

N-Noone's here for me... Noone. I-I'm.. a-all alone. Noone is going to comfort me. N-Noone is going to come over and hug me to let me walk with them. N-Noone is.

The ringing begins to fade before I see a familiar face in front of me, accompanied by multiple people staring. O-Oh god...

"Mrs. Hanako, are you okay?"

My eyes direct towards his own as I shake, seeing it's the doctor.

D-Did I just have a panic attack? A-Again?

I nod slowly to him, his only response being silence with a frown of concern. He sighs, grabbing my hand again as we walk, but I begin to move faster, seeing the people direct their eyes towards me... S-Stop...

We l-later reach the elevator, both of us stepping inside. I let go of his hand and walk to the corner of the elevator, looking away. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him looking at me, before turning to the elevator doors.

Time passes before the doors open and he reaches over, putting his hand out to me again. R-Reluctantly, I grab it, as he walks out onto the sidewalks, multiple people walking around. The sun shines and I look the other direction from the crowd, shaking.

We walk further before I can hear a car in front of me, turning my head towards it.

It appears to be a taxi as the doctor turns his head towards me.

"Well, here you go. I guess I'll see you around, right?"

I nod slowly before letting go of his hand, turning to the car as I hear the doctor walking around. In a shaky manner, I grab the handle, opening it and seeing the two seats, slowly getting in and closing the door. I look to the driver, appearing to be a young woman in her 20's with long blonde hair and glasses.

"Alright, kid-." She looks to me via the mirror, and I immediately look away, pulling my hair down to cover my face.

D-Don't cry... D-Don't cry... Please...

"Oh, hey! I'm sorry! I just wasn't expecting you." I can hear her voice in a worried tone.

"Are you alright?"

I wipe one tear away before looking at her slowly, shaking.

"Oh, goddddd... I'm sorry! Hey, what's your name, kiddo?"

"..H-Hanako."

The words barely slip out of my mouth due to how much I'm shaking.

"Hanako? That's a really sweet name, I like it. Nice to meet you, Hanako. I'm Stacey."

I nod, smiling lightly.

"Put your seatbelt on and we'll go, okay?"

S-Seatbelt... T-This.. reminds me of the last time I rode in a car. With my m-mom and dad, right?

I close my eyes, opening them after a short period and grabbing the seatbelt, putting it on. I look to Stacey, seeing a smile form on her face. She turns back to the wheel, beginning to drive off.

"So, how old are you?"

"..10.."

"10? When's your birthday?

B-Birthday...

Oh.. god... T-The p-presents my parents g-got me...

"Hey, you doing okay?"

I snap out of it, nodding.

"O-Oh, u-um... J-July 1-10th.."

"Awesome! So you'll be 11 in a month, right?

W-Wait... July is the n-next month? H-How much... t-time has f-flown by...

A-Adrian... A-Adrian c-can't be here f-for my b-birthday...

B-Because I took him.. W-What's wrong w-with me?

Looking back to the driver with tears held back as hard as possible, I nod.

"Cool!"

Silence rests between us before the car finally stops.

"Alrighty! We're here!"

H-Her tone is s-so.. full of excitement and j-joy...

I.. It.. r-reminds me of h-how I used to be...

Why? Why do I have to be l-like this?

I see Stacey turning around to me.

"Stay safe, Hanako. Got it?" She gives me a smile as I nod, smiling back lightly.

I un-attach my seatbelt and get out, stepping out of the car, seeing the orphanage. It appears to be massive in size, as I look around, seeing no one passing by on the sidewalk, and a gate up ahead, opened with multiple kids in gardens and playgrounds playing with each other.. I-It.. r-reminds me of what me and A-Adrian would do together.

Two men walk down a pathway, coming up to me. One seems freaked out and stares at me. I quickly look away, shaking.

The other walks up to me, kneeling down to me. I fold my hands, flinching.

"You're Hanako, right?"

I nod slowly.

"I'm Daniel. I'll be your guide for the orphanage, okay, Hanako?" He gives me a welcoming smile. I nod again, staring at him. He reaches his hand out to me and I take it as he begins walking me. The other man walks away to a different part of the building. As we walk down the pathway, multiple kids stare at me as I shake, looking down.

I.. I don't w-want to be here. It's g-going to be loud noises and tons and tons of different faces 24/7.

He opens the doors, stepping inside. The first thing noticeable is multiple children roaming the hallways.

I.. want Adrian. I c-can't do this without him.. I-I have n-noone to grab onto.. no one to hug... I'm so.. alone. I-I'm scared.

"Ignoring the constantly flooded hallways, up ahead to the right is the cafeteria. Go there anytime you want if you feel hungry, alright?"

I nod slowly... H-He.. d-doesn't seem to be paying attention to my burns... It's.. s-surprising.

"Taking a corner up there, you'll find a library. The bathrooms are near the bedrooms, so we'll get to those later."

L-Libray...

T-That sounds.. nice. R-Really nice. I.. can be in there alone, I guess.

"There's various other odds and ends, outside is your garden and playground as you saw, you have the in-door playroom for things like video games or real toys."

I nod to him, still shaking lightly.

"Ready to go check out the bedrooms and bathrooms?"

"..y-yes.."

I can barely mutter the word out, wondering to myself if he could even hear it.

He nods, standing up and grabbing my hand again as we walk. The further we go the more the crowd seems to die down before we finally reach 4 doors.

"Alright." He points his finger to the right set of doors.

"That's the boy's bathroom and bedroom, and to the left.." He points to the left, which are another set of doors that are farther from the boy's set.

"Those are the girl's bathrooms and bedrooms. Come with me."

He begins walking as I follow, opening one of the doors to the girl's bedroom. Once we walk in it's a large room with multiple beds and bunk-beds, each having a container in front of them. There are a few children laying around, none seeming to notice me.

"Here are your beds, and each of those containers has your belongings in 'em with your name stapled on the container to differ it from others. Here."

He hands me a key as I take it, my hands shaking...

T-This is a large room. M-Meaning if I.. h-have to cry... T-Then everyone is g-going to hear it. I-I'm n-not.. a-alone anymore. T-There's s-so many people... Oh god... Oh god...

"Your bed is on the far right corner of the room, got it?"

I nod, shaking due to my realization.

"So, I think that's all, Hanako. If you need anything, come and find me, my name is Ethan."

He steps out the doors and I turn back to the room, none of the kids seeming to have noticed me.

I-It's.. g-going to be so packed later. So many people... So many children...

I'm.. not alone. I don't have privacy anymore. everyone's going to see and h-hear me crying in here...

I begin quietly walking my way to my bed, key in my hands with my backpack on, trying to avoid being seen.

Suddenly, I hear a light voice.

"Hey, who are you?"

I hear a book close as I freeze, shaking and turning around slowly to what seems to be an 8-9-year-old girl with short hair, a jacket, shirt and jeans walking up to me.

"My-. Woaaaah, what happened to you?!"

I immediately look down, crossing my hair down.

"I.. I mean.. I didn't mean to upset you! I'm sorry! It's just... Your face.."

W-Why? Why do p-people do this?

I-Is this how I'm going to be t-treated by everyone here? Absolutely everyone?

"Oh my goodness, girl, I'm sorry. My name is Rachel, okay?"

I slowly wipe a tear away.

"..h-hanako.."

I.. d-don't want to think about it. Everyone t-treating me like this.. like this alien. Like I'm not... e-even a human a-anymore. That I look like an m-monster.

"Hanako, okay.. uhm... I'm sorry, Hanako. I just.. got a bit surprised."

"Hey, I'll check up on you later, I'm sorry if I did anything bad."

I say nothing in response, turning back around, shaking with tears flowing from my eyes, reaching my bed that is in the far corner of the room, pressed up against the wall.

I-I.. g-guess it's better than being in the m-middle of everyone.

I look back to see the girl is gone, letting out a sigh of relief as I shake less.

I open the storage container in front of my bed using the key, opening my backpack and putting one of my books in, sighing and putting my backpack against my bed, closing the cabinet and locking it, taking the second book out of my backpack and tossing the key in my jacket.

I sit on the bed, surprisingly comfortable and begin to delve into a spiral of words sent to my eyes by the book, feeling like the world is just... fading away around me.


End file.
